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Shabbat Shalom.

For those who may not know me, I’m Robert Friedman. I’ve been a member of Temple Israel since I was eight years old, and I’m deeply honored to share this year’s Pride D’var Torah with you.

For those who do know me, you know that my life has changed significantly in the last few years. Since 2020, I’ve lost over 200 pounds, married my husband Andy after navigating the immigration process, started teaching at the Youth Learning Program, and joined the Temple Israel Board as a Trustee. I’m also a dog dad, a son, a brother, a gay man, and a Jew.

I carry many roles. And this week’s Torah portion—Parashat Korach—asks us to think deeply about the roles we each play. Tonight, I want to reflect on three roles in particular: the role of the listener, the lover, and the challenger.

In this week’s portion, Korach rises up against Moses and Aaron and says, “You have gone too far! All the community is holy.” At first, it seems like a call for equality. But it becomes clear that Korach’s rebellion is not rooted in justice or care for the community—it is rooted in ego. Still, his words echo in our tradition: “All the community is holy.” That line forces us to ask: Who gets to decide whose holiness is recognized? Whose voices are heard?

About a year ago, I found myself in the role of the listener, even though it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. During a Shavuot event, a prominent member of the Jewish community said something that deeply hurt me. He said he was more comfortable accepting patrilineal descent than same-sex marriage. Without saying it outright, he suggested that marriages like mine didn’t fully align with his understanding of Judaism.

In that moment, I wanted to stop listening. I felt the urge to walk away, to shut down, to protect myself. But then I thought about my husband and me standing under our rainbow chuppah—like the one you see here tonight—and I asked myself, “What’s wrong with this?” For the first time in my young marriage, I found myself questioning its validity. Am I valid?

Through study and conversation—first with Rabbi ChatGPT, and then with Rabbi Sharff—I came to understand that in Reform Judaism, my marriage is not just valid, but sacred. As I reminded my 4th-grade students this year, we are all b’tzelem Elohim—made in the image of God.

That’s why I’m so proud to be a Reform Jew. This k’hilah k’doshah—this holy community—has never made me question whether I belong, whether my marriage is accepted, or whether my love is seen. We listen, we learn, and we grow together.

Sometimes, listening is the most Jewish thing we can do. Our tradition begins with the word “Shema”—Listen. Listening, even when it is uncomfortable, is where growth begins.

So tonight, I invite all of us to embrace the role of the listener. Whether you agree or disagree, whether you feel supported or challenged, take a moment to pause and listen to one another. Because all the community is holy. Because we are all b’tzelem Elohim.

Next, I want to speak about the role of the lover.

Andy and I go to brunch almost every weekend at First Watch. We often see the same host—he’s kind and friendly. One day, he finally looked at the two of us and asked, “Are you guys… roommates?” I smiled and said, “No. He’s my husband.”

There was a time when I would have answered differently. I would have said “spouse.” It felt easier, more neutral. I wasn’t afraid of conflict—I just wanted to avoid the awkwardness, the moment where someone pauses or doesn’t know what to say next. But over time, I realized that saying “spouse” felt like hiding. And I’m done hiding.

I am reclaiming the word “husband.” Not just because it’s accurate, but because it’s true. Andy is my partner in life. We light Shabbat candles together. We debate about what to order for dinner. We attend services. We laugh. We adopted a wild little dog named Moopsy who runs our household. Our ketubah hangs in our home not just as decoration, but as a sacred witness to our covenant with each other and with God.

Judaism teaches that love is sacred. That covenant is holy. And my marriage—like so many others—is built on care, loyalty, and joy. There is no separation between me being Jewish and me being a gay man. These are not contradictions—they are a single, sacred identity.

For those of us who live this love, we are not asking for validation. We are reminding the world: we are already holy, already sacred, already blessed.

Finally, I want to reflect on the role of the challenger.

Sometimes we are called to challenge—not like Korach, who sought to elevate himself—but like Moses, who humbly returned again and again to the people, to God, and even to those who opposed him.

My Jewish identity calls me to challenge the status quo—not to destroy it, but to expand it. To make more room at the table. To create space for those who have been left out or left behind.

We can challenge tradition with compassion. We can hold disagreement without dismissing one another’s dignity. And we must always examine the ways we might be excluding others, even unintentionally.

So tonight, I ask three things of this community:

First, I ask that we listen—even when it is difficult. When someone shares something that makes us uncomfortable, let’s pause and reflect, rather than react. Let us remember the flawed but powerful words of Korach: “All the community is holy.”

Second, I ask that we continue to be a welcoming congregation. As a board member, one of the most meaningful things I get to do is connect with people who are new to Temple. When they see me praying with my friends—and with my husband—they see belonging. If you are new to our community tonight, please come find me at the oneg. I would be honored to welcome you.

Third, I invite you to join us at the Heartland Pride Parade on July 12th. Since 2018, I have had the privilege of helping lead Jewish Pride in Omaha. What started as a coffee meeting with Rabbi Berezin has become a movement. Pride is more than celebration—it is prayer in motion. It is our way of saying: We are here. We are valid. We live b’tzelem Elohim.

You can sign up using the QR code in the announcements, check your eTidings, or talk to me after services.

In closing, when I look at my husband, I know there is a God. There was a time when I never believed anyone could love me fully—not even myself. And yet, somehow, I found someone who loves me exactly as I am. Who else but God could have created such a kind, patient, joyful man just for me?

May we listen.
May we love.
May we challenge.
And may we never forget to live, unapologetically, as exactly who we are.

Happy Pride and Shabbat Shalom.

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Watch the entirety of Friday’s service here.

Temple Talk is a recap of sermons given from the Bimah for those who missed a Sermon or who wanted to revisit the words spoken at a previous sermon.