Blog

September 8, 2024 | 5 Elul 5784
Rabbi Daniel Kirzane
Repentance and forgiveness form a two-way street, and during Elul, we’re encouraged to walk in both directions. 

Repentance entails knowing we’ve done wrong, changing ourselves to avoid doing wrong again, trying to “make up” for what we’ve done, and reaching out to those we’ve harmed to apologize or make peace. Forgiveness entails identifying the ways in which we’ve been hurt, recognizing the weight those injuries continue to bear on us, and choosing to release those burdens.

Strikingly, each of these processes can be independent of the other. I can conduct genuine repentance even if the person I’ve harmed chooses not to forgive me or let go of what I’ve done. I can also forgive someone and release their harms against me even if they haven’t repented or apologized. Ideally, repentance and forgiveness go hand-in-hand, but they don’t have to.

The miracle and magic of both of these endeavors is that the rift between people is healed without anyone ever saying or implying “it’s okay.” In fact, both repentance and forgiveness require affirming “it’s not okay, but I want to make peace anyway.” The desire for the right relationship pulls us closer together when actions of injury or offense have pulled us away, and this yearning to rejoin is the heart of peacemaking during this holy period. 
May our paths down both directions on this year’s journey bring us closer to the ones we love. 

September 9, 2024 | 6 Elul 5784
Rabbi Kelly Levy
Presence Heals All Wounds
There is a person in my life who struggles with addiction and other mental health issues. It’s very difficult to be in communication and contact with this person. I made a choice years ago to no longer speak with them, allowing space and time to grow between us. I have often said, “Toxic is toxic, even if you’re related.”

Recently, this person chose to reach out for help, real help, for the very first time. They voiced a need for support, guidance, and love. They expressed, through tears and heartache, their immense regret for not asking sooner, for not being present at important events in my life, for not realizing that they couldn’t do this on their own.

This was what I needed to hear to close the rift between us. I needed the person to say, “I’m here and I need help.” Perhaps it was selfish of me to wait for them to reach out. Perhaps it was unkind to allow them to hit the lowest of the lows to fully see their plight. But in waiting, this person found an inner strength they needed to make radical changes.

Time will tell if these changes last. For now, I found my own inner strength to bring this person into my embrace and be present for them through their struggle. By being present, both of us, we found much-needed healing for our relationship and ourselves. 

September 10, 2024 | 7 Elul 5784
Rabbi Don Weber
Before clocks were invented, rabbis had to decide when “daytime” begins and “nighttime” ends. Some said it’s when you can see the difference between a green thread and a blue one. But my favorite answer is this, from an anonymous rabbi: “It is daylight when you can look into the face of another human being and recognize that he or she is your brother or sister. Until then,” he said, “it is night.”
 
At a time when darkness is sweeping over the land, I find this story powerful. While the traditional definition of “daylight” relies simply on the movement of the sun, this rabbi’s requires us to act: only when we look into the face of another can we determine whether it is light or dark.
 
Today our political conversations are caricatures, portraying those we disagree with as enemies: fascists, communists, capitalists, socialists. The longer we respond to these over-broad generalizations, the farther apart we are from looking into each other’s face and seeing light. 
 
True, some people do not want to talk with us; they do not want to see or acknowledge our humanity. Judaism demands that we defend ourselves against those who want us gone, or dead. But now, as we prepare our souls for the start of a New Year, let us commit ourselves to looking into others’ faces, especially into the faces of those we consider “other.” There may we discover the light with which God created us, and them, and everything.

September 11, 2024 | 8 Elul 5784
Rabbi Laurence Malinger
Healing rifts among people is considered a fundamental aspect of preparing spiritually for the new year, especially during the month of Elul. This period is a time for introspection, repentance, and seeking reconciliation with those whom we have wronged or hurt. According to the Talmud, in Baba Metzia 58b, there is a clear directive on how individuals should approach reconciliation. It stresses the proactive responsibility of those who have caused harm to actively seek out the person they have wronged. This initiative involves not only approaching them but also personally apologizing in a sincere and heartfelt manner. The apology should fully acknowledge the wrongdoing and convey genuine remorse for the hurt caused.

Moreover, if the offense resulted in tangible harm or loss, the Talmud teaches that restitution should be made. This could include financial compensation or any other appropriate actions to rectify the harm done to the individual. Notably, the Talmud emphasizes that seeking reconciliation should take precedence over religious rituals or personal conveniences. This emphasizes the importance of interpersonal relationships and ethical conduct within Jewish teachings.

The overarching principles of seeking forgiveness and promoting reconciliation are rooted in Jewish ethical teachings, aiming to foster a cohesive and compassionate community. These teachings show how important it is to treat others well and fix our mistakes. By doing this during Elul, we not only make things right with others but also get ourselves ready for the new year. This way, we can start fresh, feeling renewed and with stronger bonds in our community.

September 12, 2024 | 9 Elul 5784
Rabbi Alan Cook
​​In the traditional weekday Amidah, the seventh blessing carries the overall theme of redemption. But its text has a more explicit ask of God than salvation. R’eh na b’oneinu v’riva riveinu, it states: “Look upon our suffering and resolve all of our quarrels.”
 
We know that this is merely the metaphorical language of prayer. Neither God, or anyone else, will fight our battles for us. We must find the strength and courage not only to fight our own battles, but to seek reconciliation where it is possible. 
 
Elton John and Bernie Taupin opined that “Sorry seems to be the hardest word,” and it is true that it can be exceptionally difficult to swallow our pride and admit when we have been in the wrong. But it can be equally difficult, when we feel that we have been slighted or wounded in some manner, to accept even the most contrite of apologies from the one who perpetrated the hurt. 
 
The Mishnah teaches, “For transgressions between an individual and God, Yom Kippur will atone. But for transgressions between two human beings, Yom Kippur does not atone, until the parties have made an effort to resolve the conflict.” We are called upon to take that first step. Neither God, or anyone else, will do it for us.

September 13, 2024 | 10 Elul 5784
Rabbi David N. Young
This year I turn 50. Even typing those words makes a strange feeling wash over me. I think I have a little 80’s-action-movie-fan-syndrome, because I can hear Danny Glover saying, “I’m 50 years old…I’m too old for this ___.” And while I do not feel too old for anything I am doing (I feel more energetic than I did a year ago), there is a sense of doom and gloom over approaching this number.

In Hebrew the letter that corresponds to the number 50 is nun. In the alphabetic acrostic known as Ashrei, the line that would otherwise have nun will be left out because nun starts the word nofel, “fall,” which comes from the verse describing the downfall of Israel (Amos 5:2). On the other hand, the 50th day is when we celebrate Shavuot after Passover. We go from freedom to redemption on the 50th day, so it should be a day of great celebration and rejoicing. It all hinges on which version of 50 we choose to give our attention.

Often the rifts in our lives that are the greatest are the struggles within our own minds. The chasm between our negative perceptions of our lives and the amazing things we do and experience can be wide and impassable. It can also be easily traversed if we let go of our self-critical mindset and enjoy the life we have. After all, nothing ages us quite like worrying. May we use this Elul to let go of our worries, along with the critical voice within.

September 14, 2024 | 11 Elul 5784
Cantor Jenna Sagan
The Healing Power of Music
When words fail, music speaks -Hans Christian Andersen

Healing begins with open hearts and the willingness to listen and forgive. When dealing with rifts amongst people, it can often be difficult to find the words to start the dialogue. I believe that music holds a profound power to heal emotional wounds. It transcends barriers and reaches deep into our hearts at times when even our words may fail us. When we listen to a song together, we share a moment of vulnerability and understanding, which can heal even the widest divides. Music is our communal memory; listening to the sounds of our shared experiences can open even the hardest of hearts to a tough conversation. Music has the unique ability to transcend differences and remind us of our shared humanity, offering solace and a path toward mutual understanding. This year, I have curated a playlist designed to spark conversations, healing the rifts amongst us, one song at a time. You can find the playlist here: https://tinyurl.com/ElulPlaylist5784

This Elul, let the healing harmonies guide you as we work toward unity and peace in our world.